Survey: Marriages Will Destroy Marriages!
A recent survey shows that a majority of Americans believe that allowing gay couples to marry threatens existing traditional marriages.

According to one puzzled researcher, the only possible explanation for this belief is that the widespread legalization of gay marriages will make it possible for closeted homosexuals in legal but unfulfilling straight marriages to divorce their current partners and legitimize their extra-marital gay liaisons.

The discarding of straight partners in order legitimize currently secret homosexual relationships might well begin in Washington D.C. itself where, according to authoritative rumors, a large number of members of Congress keep a stable of gay partners "at the ready" while maintaining families to provide a veneer of respectability.

"The wives don't mind," said one source who refused to be identified and might not even exist. "They're way too busy with their 'charity fundraisers'," a term commonly understood to mean "lesbian orgies."

Congressional Spouses 5k Run for "Charity"
Magazine Scoops All in Journalistic Coup!
Entertainment Weekly magazine has sent the world of journalism reeling by snagging a rare interview with one of Hollywood’s most elusive celebrities, Michael Moore. The enigmatic, camera shy documentarian reluctantly agreed to the exclusive interview on condition that he be allowed to, in his words, “speak out.”
2004 Convention Update
The Aluminum Extruders Council's (AEC) 2004 Management Conference is scheduled for September 21 through 23 at the Hilton Chicago O'Hare Airport Hotel. As an educational program and networking event, the conference will feature a selection of timely presentations that promote a greater understanding of issues affecting the aluminum extrusion industry.