Re-Awaken
American
Pride
To : Bill Bennett
From : Peggy Noonan
Hi Lover,
The Year 2004 “youth constituency” voter pamphlet is finished and ready for distribution. We can probably get an MTV shot for Ralph Reed if he promises to stop making inappropriate jokes about “frenching” Avril Lavigne.
Your humble servant (.....again soon???)
Peg
In the year 2004, America will once again be offered the opportunity to choose between a government of tax-crazed criminal-coddling eco-lunatic condom-mongers, or Republicans. Many of you youngsters will be voting for the first time, and are perhaps confused about how to exercise your franchise. Well, you can leave that up to us! We'll let you know what to do when the time is right.
In the meantime, since you are the Tomorrow's Leaders that Today's Leaders want to Lead into a Tomorrow of Leadership, you should know a little bit about our world. You're probably anxious to get back to your “cool” Contemporary Christian cassettes, but take a moment to read up on what's been going down in this formerly great nation. When it’s time to cast a ballot, we'll be glad you did!
INTRODUCTION
On the Highway to a Healthy Economy!
A free society is like a great thoroughfare. When motorists (citizens ) memorize the Rules of the Road (The Bible), drive defensively (oppose anti-gun legislation), and observe the posted speed limit (Patriot Act) traffic moves smoothly. But it just takes one heedless driver (secular humanist, illegal immigrant, Mayor of San Francisco) to throw the entire system into disarray.
Imagine a bustling suburban artery full of happy vehicles. When just one "road hog" (ACLU lawyer) driving a “big rig” (Affirmative Action) decides that he's entitled to his very own "exclusionary rule" and makes an unwise left turn, the country goes up on blocks and we have forced busing!
So, just as there are traffic signals to regulate our highways, so should there be a “traffic signal” ( moment of prayer) to regulate our educational system.
This booklet will help you "get behind the wheel" of our American Economy, unimpeded by “highway robbers,” (organized labor), “roadblocks” (rent control) or “potholes” (potheads).
CHAPTER I
The Classroom: Battleground or Combat Zone?
As you know, our nation's public schools have become nothing but repositories for the fuzzy-headed, socially deviant, pro-abortion atheists to whom our our major corporations have had the good sense not to offer employment.
Now, there are those who will say "true, but isn't it the family’s job to help youngsters turn a deaf ear to educators who think it's just fine to teach Geography, English or Math without ever once mentioning the word 'God'? “
Yes. We encourage family mealtime discussions of moral issues. (See our pamphlet "Bible and Beef - A Healthy Helping!") But that’s not enough. We must Clean the Plate of Educational Subversion!
Since it's impossible for a qualified Chamber of Commerce member to monitor every teacher every day (they are busy filling out needless government paperwork designed to fight job creationism), we must rely on the students yourselves to watch for the 4 Telltale Signs of a Troublesome Teacher:
1. Lisp
2. Unusual opinions
3. Funny tie other than on "funny tie" day
4. “Ballroom Dancers Take Turns Doing It” bumper sticker
We call this program The Prosperity Patrol, and we're counting on you to help it succeed in freeing the devout Private Sector from the crushing weight of multi-cultural bureaucracy.
And, although it’s hard to predict the future, (the Book of Revelation being a notable exception), we can point with assuredness to the past:
There was no Prosperity Patrol in Havana, Cuba.
There was no Prosperity Patrol in Beijing, China.
There was no Prosperity Patrol in Santa Monica, California.
History records the tragic results of such complacency. So, let’s all ring the bell on the reverse discriminators who think "pray" is a four-letter word!
CHAPTER II
Sex Education: A Loose Canon on the Good Citizenship!"Who's that man in the overcoat by the gym?"
That's the question every school administrator dreads. But, we're not hearing it as much these days. Good news? Hardly! Because, instead of calling the K-9 squad and inviting sharp-fanged Officer Dog to tear Mr. Pornographer limb from limb, we've invited him into the building to peddle his wares without being torn limb from anything!
The "man in the overcoat" is now standing at the head of the class with a license to pornograph! He's changed his name to Mr. Sex Education, but to paraphrase a popular saying, "A pornographer by any other name should still be shot."
Over the past half-century, the inflated organs of educational irresponsibility of have shoved a steady stream of hard to swallow misinformation right down our throats! The following, taken from a typical sex education textbook (edited for inclusion here) tells the whole sorry story:
We don't suggest a return to the foolish pruderies of the past. In our pamphlet, "The Marital Playground - Ask Your Clergyman for the Key," the proper role of procreational activities is discussed:
Sex is like exploring an uncharted island without a guide, while primitive drums beat in the distance. For those who "know the terrain," it’s a wonderful way to obtain a large number of children. However, if you are having approved relations at the expense of the viewership of the Evangelical television program of your choice, it's time to turn down the heat on the "Electric Blanket of Conjugal Bliss." Remember the old Negro Spiritual -
"Oh, you ain't gwine git to hebben layin' in de sack
you ain't gwine git to hebben layin' on yo' back
you ain't gwine git to hebben doin da debil's dance
if you want to git to hebben, put dat thang bank in yo' pants..."
CHAPTER III
"Daddy, Why Won't the Jews Let Me Pray in School?"Allowing God back in the classroom is a top priority for anyone who cares about America's future.
However, fair-minded people sometimes don’t understand that we live in a "pluralistic" society, which means that Hindus, Moslems, Buddhists, illegal aliens, Democrats, homosexuals, the New York Times and witches are also keeping God out of school. This isn't what the Founding Fathers had in mind. The First Amendment means that God isn't required to attend class if He doesn't want to, which is fair enough.
CHAPTER IV
Sports As at any sporting event, society’s "fans in the stands" have an important role in supporting the morale of the players on the field. Sadly, relaxed enforcement of immigration laws and seductively lush welfare benefits have attracted many newcomers of dubious "pep."
This pep deficiency has infected many "season ticket holders" (natural-born citizens), who think their ducats entitle them to "call the plays." If God had intended these "bleacher bums" (Greenpeace, N.O.W., Act-Up, Planned Parenthood, Sierra Club, AFL-CIO, NEA, League of Women Voters, Harvard, New York Times ) to have a say in field strategy, He would have installed phones in the cheap seats. As we know, phones are located directly overhead in the corporate boxes, which says something about good stadium design.
CHAPTER V
Christianomics: Are You a Drifter or a Thrifter?Let’s see how well you understand Biblical fiscal policy.
1. When God bade Noah "build an arc," Noah -
a. Did what he was told
b. Implemented race based quotas
c. Demanded an environmental impact study
2. "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me" means -
a. exactly what it says
b. we should relinquish our Sovereignty to tin-pot UN appeasers and bureacrats
c. we must fund wasteful boondoggles like public television, public assistance
and public education
3. When Jesus fed the multitudes, we learned that -
a. He understood just-in-time inventory techniques
b. There is such a thing as a free lunch.
c. 50 years of wasteful boondoggle projects could have been avoided if our
grandparents had voted for God instead of the New Deal.
How long will our nation's finances hold out if we continue living beyond our means? According to scholars, at the rate you accurately mention we will be completely out of funds a full week before the Second Coming. So, when it’s time to Ascend, we won't have enough to buy a nice suit for the trip!
CHAPTER VI
Science"Scientific Creationism." "Theory of Evolution." The debate goes on. But let's take closer look. "Scientific Creationism" contains two key root words : " Science" and "Creation." The "Theory of Evolution" contains one key root word: "Theory." Which would you trust to explain "Creation" in a "Scientific" way? A mere "Theory?"
CHAPTER VII
Any Questions?Here’s your chance to let us give you forthright answers to some tough questions!
Q. Is there hunger in America?
A. Only hunger for moral leadership.
Q. What is a "tampon?"
A. Never mind.
CHAPTER VIII
Algebra: A Moral Equation?There’s nothing inherently wrong with math. Math helped us invent the “hydrogen bomb” and “capital gains.” Often, math is good.
Except when it falls into the wrong hands and is used for such things as “carbon dating” and “capital gains taxes.” Then math is bad.
CHAPTER IX
HistoryWe'd like to close with a history lesson, so you can fully understand the magnitude of our struggle.
In the late 1960s, a few malcontent "students" occasionally invaded private property, shouting "Hell no, we won't obey legitimate authority!" To the chaotic accompaniment of “entertainers” like the Beatles, the Cowsills, and Dionne Warwick, these rowdy few disrupted the smooth operation of colleges and universities. (Many are now professors, still disrupting the smooth operation of colleges and universities.)
Some of these "non-comformists" had such an inflated sense of their own importance that they pled not-guilty when caught distributing "underground newspapers," and taking part in "marches."
Things came to a head at Kent State University, when four young rabble-rousers interfered with the lawful progress of National Guard bullets. This was the last straw, as far as a group of concerned, community-minded young people was concerned.
Tired of "second-class" citizenship, they were fed up to their armbands with the anti-growth, anti-jobs, anti-business, anti-church, anti-military nonsense that had so often prevented them from attending campus sporting events.
And so, the Committee to Re-Awaken American Pride was born!
The Committee had its work cut out. On the heels of the Kent State Unpleasantness came the Roe vs. Wade Sell-out, in which the Supreme Court denied to the Unborn the very same rights it had previously extended to Negroes. Then came the Watergate Sell-out, the Cigarette Advertising Sell-out, the Seatbelt Requirement Sell-out -- so many Sell-outs, so little time!
So, we must be ever vigilant. The Devil wears many disguises (have you noticed Mrs. Clinton's ever-changing hairstyles?) so it’s important that you "get on the right tract" by purchasing at least one copy of each the following reasonably priced pamphlets:
Teacher's Pet - And That's Not All!
("He stayed to clean the erasers, but wound up polishing the pointer!!" )
Bun-Bun, the Welfare Cheating Rabbit
Today's Music - Don't Get Your Kicks on Route 666!
Popularity - Taking a Long Walk Off a Short Peer Pressure!
What Every Teen Should Know About Drugs, Alcohol, Promiscuity, Fiscal Foolhardiness, Ruinous Regulation, and the Kennedys!