Back to School Special

lee barron Going back to school is the most wonderful time of the year because it offers the young mind the chance to open up and learn. The chance to socialize is much like an electroplated golden burrito full of opportunity and fulfillment beans and rice with a little salsa, so--

LET'S GO TO SCHOOL!

BUT ALSO it's time to put on the thinking caps and back to school fashions, and to be told to "shut up" by well-meaning instructors at least 147 times a class (public schools only).

But most importantly, back-to-school is the season of THE BULLY.

This back to school phenomenon dates back (probably) to when man started having school. Peleo World, TLC, Discovery Channel and The Bully Channel all say so.

In cave paintings in France there are pictoglyphs and paint-by-number illustrations of school kids being bludgeoned by a larger, fatter kid with his text books (stone tablets) tied together with a belt. A little dialogue bubble indicates that he might be saying "Give me your lunch money (yaks teeth), you horned vermin! (dickheads)" Apparently, this is an ancient autumnal ritual. We know this because there is an ancient department store in the background of this scene that says "Back to School Savings" on it.

HERE ARE SOME TELL-TALE BULLY WARNING SIGNS:

WORDS TO THINK ABOUT:

There is a little bully in all of us. So be aware of the little bully within and buy him a spiritual smoothie, and then punch him in the groin.