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World Roundup:

Iraqi Elections: Turnout disappointing among dead.

Apparently kept away from the polls by violence throughout their country, approximately 0% of Iraqis killed in the war voted in the January 29th election. This prompted one Baghdad wag to note that it was a lower percentage of dead voters than in a typical election in Chicago. The quipster was brought to the office of Prime Minister Allawi, who shot him in the head, saying with a wry smile "now you can go vote in Chicago!"


Russian Youth to Hold Peaceful Revolution "before all the good colors are gone"

Concerned that the recent Orange Revolution in the Ukraine and the earlier Rose Revolution in Georgia would soon lead to the depletion of the best peaceful revolutionary identifying colors, a group of young Russian students today announced that they would begin their own peaceful revolution against the inceasingly authoritarian policies of Premier Vladmir Putin just as soon as they could agree on which of the remaining good colors to use. "We have not yet come to a consensus, except there is strong feeling for yellow," said one young protester. "That is the color of the Golden Arches, and we hope to peacefully revolutionize Russian society in much the same way as the Golden Arches have peacefully revolutionized the meatburger."


No Tsunamis!

Tsunami update!

No tsunamis this week.





Oscar Time in Los Angeles

A bunch of people who made a bunch of movies last year are planning to get together in a big theater, give themselves awards, and talk to each other about their clothes. They will be interviewed by loud people who will ask them "who are you wearing?" because in previous years, the question "what are you wearing?" always resulted in television viewers everywhere thinking "thin." The Academy wishes to discourage television viewers everywhere from thinking.


State of the Union

Didn't see it.


Carson Museum Announced

Carson Entertainment has revealed plans to construct a "Johnny Carson Museum" in Burbank. The facility will include memorabilia from Carson's years on the "Tonight" show, including the funny Ed Ames axe, the funny Carnak Turban, the funny Art Fern Wig and Ed McMahon, who will be stuffed and placed in his classic "hiyo" pose.

Visitors will also view a funny pooper-scooper, sit at a funny collapsing desk, and try on funny boxer shorts. It is unknown at this time whether Dolly Parton's funny breasts, which Carson claimed to have "discovered," will be on display. NBC Pages will be on hand to teach lost visitors to say "We're the Fugowee!"


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