Love & Banging

Sam Longoria

Love makes the world go round. No, wait, that's momentum.

Anyway, Love is a powerful force. It causes things to attract other things, cling to them, and form a warm clump, in the cold, indifferent Universe.

The warm clump heats up, after a billion trillion years. Boiling hot, burning hot, and excited! Enough to fly apart, in another Big Bang, so the Universe is formed, again.

Love, and then Banging. Over and over again.

Without Love, there is only Banging. Tedious, mindless, empty Banging. Sign me up.

The power of Love was first noticed when monkeys on the plains first stood erect. Their females looked upon this proud, new erect-ness, and shrieked hot monkey Love, with bright red buttocks and provocative postures, and sharp claws and bared teeth, and fierce screams and total ecstasy. This was short- lived, lasting only until marriage.

The male monkeys were drawn to the female monkeys, who were drawn to other males, the ones with more bananas.

There was gripping and grinding, and cries and promises and longing and yearning and pulling and tugging and banging and urgency now now yes yes, and then... satisfaction.

The male monkeys fell asleep, and then woke up and wanted to do it again, but the female monkeys said no, I have to get up early for work. I have a lot of gathering and grooming to do tomorrow.

Later, the females gave birth to new universe of monkeys. They grew up, and were drawn together, and now run the Department of Motor Vehicles, and send spam on the internet, and call you at dinner to sell you vinyl siding.

We will never run out of monkeys, because monkeys put into daily practice both Love and Banging.

Banging is easy to find, to hear Women talk. To them, only Love is important.

Men think Love is a cinch to find, and Banging is the good stuff.

Where can you can find Banging? In the Yellow Pages, under the heading 'Escorts.'

How much does Banging cost? It varies, but you can get something pretty good for about $100.

Where can you find Love? In the Dictionary, between "Lost," and "Lust."

What is the best time to look for Love? When there is tenderness, and when there is trust, and believe me, not in the middle of the night when she is asleep, or she will wake up and kill you.

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